It’s happened to everybody at one point or another. Good times are being had by all and like a gunshot, the anticipated first sip of a beer brings even the happy-go-luckiest of beer drinkers to their knees as they exclaim a seven-letter word that is worth a four-letter word in its own right: “Skunked!”

    However, the proclamation is currently in an abusive relationship with those who don’t know any better. For instance, did you know that cans of beer cannot ever possibly become skunked? Also, did you know that beer going from chilled to warm to chilled also has nothing to do with skunked beer? That is more a matter of oxidation that can also lend unpleasant flavors. For example, beer left in the trunk of a car in the blistering sun of a record-setting July day is certainly a great way to add wet cardboard flavors caused by oxidation. However, that is certainly not how beer becomes skunked.

    Firstly, I feel it imperative to explain exactly why the condition of perished beer is called skunked beer. Skunked beer is scientifically known as light-struck beer. Hops, one of beer’s four main ingredients, is a flower that contains a molecule called “isohumulones”. These molecules, when broken down, are susceptible to merge with sulfur components in the beer to help accentuate that smells that reminds you of a skunk’s spray. In fact, the makeup of this final result is pretty similar to the exact liquid that comes out of the skunk’s ass. Cheers!

    What does this mean to you? Like mentioned above, canned beer, due to it being impenetrable by ultraviolet rays cannot become light-stuck. Also, the color of the bottle isn’t only something that makes you look mature and sexy to girls. In fact, green and clear glass protects your beer just as well as it would protect your eyes; not at all. Brown bottles protect your beer the best out of all colors. But that doesn’t mean that brown bottles are invincible. You still need to protect your beer from the light. Depending on the velocity of the light, bottles of beer can become damaged in as little as a under a minute.

    To protect yourself from such instances of skunkification, a term that I propose to have admitted into Merriam-Webster, here are two practices that you should make second nature:

1. Avoid buying beer that is on display in the sun’s reach.
It would be a good idea to pass up on beer cases that expose the bottles to the ultra-violet rays that will destroy it. Also, brightly lit coolers are culprits in skunking beer; reach into the back and be cautious of this.
 

2. Don’t drink Heineken or Corona.
Firstly, because the careless packaging into lightly-colored bottles is actually detrimental to the beer’s safety. Secondly, because they blow.