One of the most aggravating things that can happen to me on a Saturday morning is waking up to a text message reading “Wanna come over”.  And from who?  Obviously your usual booty call that you were waiting for before you passed out fully clothed with your cell phone resting on your chest.  Waiting.  Now, I will not admit that I tried to hold my eyelids open waiting for this infamous text. Fuck it. I have and I know you have too.

My booty caller has somehow coined the nickname of “Man Pants” in which my girlfriends and I refer to him. Now, Man Pants is the typical guy who calls for late night, under-the-radar, secretive hot sex. Although he may introduce you to his roommates, he has no intention of hanging out with you on any other circumstances.

Texting is the sole means of communication for Man Pants and I. Strange? Maybe. Hot? Extremely. Seeing Man Pants pop up in my inbox is an automatic turn on. However, the second I get excited, giddy, smiley - I know I have let my emotions take hold and I am fucked. I would then get somewhat obsessed and think about him constantly. Thankfully, I am not attracted to Man Pants other than his smoking hot abs and well… stamina in bed. Running into your booty call, or in this case my Man Pants, during broad daylight can be amusing and horrific. I see Man Pants on campus from time to time and can’t help but laugh when we see each other. The awkward “hey whats up” conversation is over in 30 seconds. All he wants to know is if your busy tonight - or rather, interested in getting busy. The ultimate test of composure comes when you run into two or more previous hook ups at once. Try juggling that and the fact that they have all seen you naked and witnessed the sounds you make in bed. Awkward.

Now, here are the rules to a successful booty call. Yes, some may think they know all the key factors to the perfect booty call relationship. You don’t.

Kosher Conversation: Typical girls (and I am not talking about gang banging sluts) tend to have blurred perception of the rules. Calling him is strictly off limits unless it is after 1:30am and you are completely hammered.  I do suggest keeping calling to a bare minimum and stick to the good old text message. Be careful though. Avoid lengthy texts explaining exactly where you are; what you are drinking and what some drunken fool just did, he doesn’t care. Keep it short and to the point. “Hey yeah I’m downtown. Let’s chill later” Of course reply in a manner that would make sense; for those of you taking diligent notes.

Bed Manners: Hopefully I shouldn’t have to take you step by step through the act of sex. Watch Talk Sex with Sue - she’ll do wonders for you. It is important to try and skip all the bullshit. Get to it and fuck. Hopefully after a victorious and not meaningful sex-capade, you will have scratched your itch. One common mistake girls tend to make is expecting a 30-minute spoon session and neck kissing. If he wanted to spoon he would get a girlfriend. He’ll probably get up, pee, flush the condom and get back in bed Definitely wear a condy with booty calls. You never know who else there is and better safe than preggers. On the Spooning front, my suggestion to you is let him make the decision. If he gets in bed and puts his arm around you and pulls you in - great. Go with it. In the morning, if you’re lucky to successfully endeavor morning sex congratulations to you. I love it. Once he has successfully seen you with your makeup smeared on your face and your hair going every which way, get the hell out of there.

Why You're There: I am sure many of you agree that sometimes no sex is better than bad sex. I am a firm believer of this. Lying in bed with some pseudo attractive guy on top of you trying to “drunkeningly” get his penis remotely close to your va-jay-jay is not what I stayed up for. Yet, foolish people keep getting disappointed in bad booty calls. However, the number one perk of a reoccurring booty call is the guarantee for amazing and no commitment sex.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop sneaking around with Man Pants only because it has come so easily and I don’t want to let a perfect situation go to waste. If any of my friends are going to brag about the perfect set up, it’s going to be me.