It's a dislike I've garnered over time. You know, the first time I heard it, like a lot of other people, was in "Austin Powers" and it was funny then. But then as my teenage years melted away, I started to hear it more and more only it stopped being confined to just a movie quote. It was coming out of the mouths of guys who were, for all intents and purposes, trying to get a personal message across to me. "I'm horny." Really? Really you are? Geez, that's a news flash. I'm so glad you told me this flat out because I was almost confused about why you were laying on top of me and nibbling on my neck. I was baffled by our interactions until you dropped that bomb! This is information I could not have ascertained with my college degree. I really am just an idiot who needs that kind of oral dictation. The boner on my leg was not enough.

 

I beg the question: why does this need to be communicated? Why do they think we're really in the dark? I think--and this is just a guess really--that most men probably walk around for more than half of their lives with that pressing emotion. That horniness they're so eager to mention and talk about. I bet it plagues them like a baboon with fleas. What I don't understand is why they feel it's necessary to let that word drop out of their mouths. That has to be the number one reason I've left many, many situations unsatisfied. I don't want to hear that. That makes me think of Austin Powers. Bad teeth, aggressive sexual drive and the Swedish Penis Enlarger. Are those really associations you want me to be making? They're in the right general vicinity, but they're  definitely not on target.

 

I have to ask, gentleman, in the throws of physicality, what can verbalizing this emotion do that simple body language cannot? It's perplexing. In addition, it's something that a moist towel and 15 minutes of alone time can cure. I don't need to be around for that, so I might as well send you on your way. 

 

So, that essentially sums up my weekend. One single distaste for a word. Don't like to hear it, don't think it's sexy, don't think it does anything more than state the obvious... in a somewhat vulgar way. It's a word that can make find its final peace in the 60s.